But Seriously….

I’ve been re-reading some of Richard Carlson’s books lately (Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff, and You Can Be Happy No Matter What). I haven’t taken too much of a dip this winter, mood-wise, but it’s certainly harder to keep my perspective, not to get stressed out, not to be irritated by other people, at this time of year. Some days, I’m like a bear with a sore head. Even I don’t want to be around me.

It’s hard to admit that, because I think we all prefer to think that our own negative feelings are a result of everyone else’s actions, rather than our own, but it’s true. We can’t control people or events around us, but we are solely responsible for how we react to those people and events. Still, knowing that doesn’t seem to make it any easier to change the kind of character you naturally have, or the ingrained habits you have (often inherited or learned at a young age) for dealing with things.

The truth is, I’m an uptight person. I take life way too seriously, everything feels like an emergency. I have very strong opinions, and find it hard to see things from someone else’s perspective. I’m driven, overly sensitive, and highly strung. If you cut me open, I’d have “Type A” stamped right through the middle of me, like Brighton rock. 

I would love to be more compassionate, patient, flexible, easygoing, fun. I’d like to take life as it comes, to live in the moment, to be impulsive, not to care about getting everything absolutely perfect all of the time, not to be such an over achiever. I’d like to be easily amused, easily satisfied, easy to be around. 

But I’m not.

I’m sure that all of us struggle with this disparity between who we are, and who we want to be. And the older we get, the more we realise how far we have to go, how much we have to learn. Just how much you can change your natural characteristics, I don’t know. Can a naturally serious person ever become playful, laidback? Perhaps it’s enough just to reach towards it, perhaps that’s all that is needed to make you a more balanced person. I don’t have it all figured out just yet. What do you think?  

(Sunday’s outfit: Joules cardigan, Anthropologie shirt, vintage belt, Toast skirt, Fly London shoes, jewellery from Etsy. You can see it in more detail here.)

8 thoughts on “But Seriously….

  1. gosh Dee, I’ve never thought of you as an uptight person – but obviously I only “know” your online persona…. 🙂
    fwiw, I think we all get a bit intolerant (in the best sense) of stuff as we get older – “if you don’t love it, why bother?” etc and that’s not a bad thing

    the sun is shining here today – I hope it is with you too

    I love your outfit btw – fab colours/shapes for you, where’s is everything from? (nosy!)
    Paula

  2. Reaching is good. Like yoga for the mind… I’ll never master all the poses, and sometimes it hurts. Sometimes funny sounds squeak out! But after I feel bendier – if only from the inside. I know from Type A – I am leaving my current job (not an easy thing for a Type A!) and my boss suggested I add “über-anal” to my job description. I suggested “hyper-organized!” I envy you – you’ve got creativity, style (you are rocking that outfit, and those shoes are TO DIE!) and drive. That makes for a person who gets things done – interesting things. Stretch away, but don’t change who you are.

  3. That is a fabulous picture, you look beautiful 🙂 New Rav pic???

  4. What would you do and say if you were the person you find so desirable to be now ? Would you do some navel gazing as well , saying about yourself that you are too compassionate, way too much patient , not serious enough or too much foot-loose and fancy-free ?

    For this tiniest amount of time which is called your life you are what you are. You are a girl, a daughter, a wife, a sparkling, creative, positively introspective, caring and thoughtful person. You are …YOU and we love you for being all this .

    What about the people in your life- are they perfect human beings ? Take care ;-))

  5. Wow Dee you look amazing!!!! Fantastic photo, fantastic outfit – I too want to know where you got them ;-))

    And I agree – great pic for a new Ravatar.

    xx

  6. I admire your honesty – that’s a cliche, but I mean it – it is hard I find, even harder than not blaming other people for our moods, to accept that we may never wake up as that bubbly fun-loving, life grabbing person we are waiting to become. But we will wake up as the person we are, who is more real, and thus more able to affirm to others that they are acceptable just as they are – which is what you have just done for Feeling-like-Eeyore me!
    And you have reminded me that I need a new self-help book – something informative and affirming. I like ones with ‘tasks’!!
    And you look amazing!

  7. I can’t find all my quotes, so I don’t know the source of this one: We work to become, not to acquire.

    No woman who dresses up and gets that photo taken and looks so perfect in the clothes and setting can be accused of not being fun! I’m a total planner, but the very reality of planning and executing vanity shoots makes my head spin with the silliness of it all, and so to see you dolled up and fabulous…made me happy.

    I think that if there is some personality or characteristic ideal we have and want more of, that’s likely because when it does come out in us naturally it feels delicious and we yearn for more of it. And, like you say, the reaching towards it – that’s all that can be asked and a noble thing to do. Businesses get mission statements and value statements and the like, but each of us individually could do the same – stating not just what and who we are currently, but the environment of personality we strive to create and wish to offer the world and ourself.