Romance Isn’t Dead (you just have to know where to look for it)

I was reading something interesting over the weekend, about the factors that contribute to a solid long term relationship. It was talking about how men and women’s concept of romance differs drastically; a study had been done where men and women were asked to rate certain activities on a scale of 1 to 10, as to how romantic they were, things like running your partner a bath after a hard day at work, or giving her your coat if she was cold. The study found that women rated very simple things, such as those mentioned, as being romantic, whereas men did not. They only seemed to rate grand gestures as being romantic. It concluded that men are no less romantic than women, but only seem to be so, because they underestimate the value of small things.

Now this makes so much sense to me. When you’ve been with someone a long time, your sense of romance does begin to change (and probably should, if your relationship is going to survive long term). It becomes less about what’s new and exciting, and more about knowing that your partner doesn’t take you for granted, that they are thinking about you, that they care about your needs and value your companionship.

Tony, bless his heart, has never been a rose petals & poetry kind of man. There have been the occasional grand romantic gestures, but in general, he shows how much he loves me in lots of little ways, that might seem meaningless to other people, but have a great deal of meaning for me. Like the little scrap of paper he hid in my luggage when I went away, that said, “I love you!” And the times I come downstairs in the morning, and the fire is already lit, and a cup of tea waiting for me. And since I’ve been back from my trip, I’ve been really, really unwell – some nasty germ is whizzing it’s way round my body, first my tonsils, then my chest, then back up to my ears – and I’m still battling it. And Tony has been superb. He’s taken such good care of me, even though it’s dragged on and on. He’s cooked, and cleaned, and battled through the snow to get me medicine, and made me cups of tea in the middle of the night. Now that’s romance, wouldn’t you agree?


9 thoughts on “Romance Isn’t Dead (you just have to know where to look for it)

  1. Reminds me of the Love is… cartoons – the magic is in the detail, I do so agree.

  2. Precisely! Like last night, when I had reheated the curry but made fresh rice, and I asked DH to dish it up while I did something time dependent, and when he brought it in he had fished out all the whole spices for me!

  3. Oh that’s so romantic and sweet putting that scrap of paper in your luggage! I agree that its the thoughtful and caring things that matter most long-term. What a lovely man 🙂

  4. I totally agree that in any long term relationship things have to evolve. What I thought was romantic 30 years ago with my hubby is so different than what I cherish now. Good stuff!!

  5. You don’t know how lucky you are…or actually maybe you do.
    You and Tony really do personify a love story, and I will never tire of hearing that it can and does actually happen in real life. Because whilst it seems rare to hear the good stuff in modern society, the fact that relationships like yours exist only means that I can go on hoping that I’ll one day find my Mr Right.


  6. Hi Dee,
    could you please clone him and put him on offer on next Sunday listings ? The colour doesn´t matter at all ;-))…

  7. Absolutely I’d agree! I remember reading ages ago someone (Dickens?) who wrote about the romance of the everyday, and that phrase has really stuck with me. I think things like being made a cup of tea, or doing the dishes when it’s not your turn, are highly romantic gestures when thought of in this way.

  8. Finding the car de-iced and all warmed up early in the morning when I need to go out and he doesn’t beats a bouquet any day. And having that t happen two days in a row makes me realize I’m just too lucky for words…

  9. The most romantic thing Tim has ever done for me was to take the Tube all the way into central London (a 45 minute trip each way from our shared house at the time), find my locker amongst a million other lockers at my law school, and come back home again, all to bring me a file of notes I needed for homework when I was feeling poorly. And he makes me tea every morning, too!