Tony Puts His Foot Down

The Scene:

The Posh Yarn living room. Posh Dee and Tony are twisting up the new cashmere yarn into skeins.

Tony: So what do you think of the new yarn then?

Dee: It’s incredible. Its so soft and smooshy. I want to keep it all.

Tony: (Silence)

Dee: But I won’t.

Tony: (Silence)

Dee: I can’t wait for everyone to see it.

Tony: You have to tell me if there’s any colours you like.

Dee (forgetting that he always says this, and is really just fishing for compliments, gets excited): Why, can I pick out some for myself?

Tony: NO.

Dee: Oh.


Dee: I love this red one. Its so subtle and so rich.

Tony: I like that one too.

Dee: It would make the most beautiful shawl. I don’t have a red shawl. Everyone should have a red shawl in their life.   

Tony: No.

Dee: (pouts)

(Long silence)

Dee: I could just take some, and you’d never know about it. I’ll just take them and hide them.

Tony: I’ll do a stock count.

Dee: You know what? This is in the Bible! It says somewhere you shouldn’t muzzle a bull while it’s threshing!

Tony: Huh??? What’s threshing?

Dee: Ummmm. I don’t know. But you shouldn’t be cruel to animals and this is cruelty to humans.

Tony: (raises eyebrows)

Dee: (sulkily) Well it is.

(Even longer silence)

Dee: It’s good for business, you know, when I keep yarn. It’s important for promotional purposes that I knit with our own yarn.

Tony: But you don’t knit with it, you just stash it. That’s not good for any purposes.

Dee: Yes it is, it’s good for happiness. It’s a mental health purpose. It’s better than a prescription. You’re withholding medicine.

Tony: (sighs)

Dee: (in wheedling voice) Just one or two little skeins, just a few skeins. No one will even miss them. Just these 5 purple ones. Just…..

Tony: NO!!!

Dee: But-

Tony: (leaves the room)

Dee: But………….

The End. 


15 thoughts on “Tony Puts His Foot Down

  1. Can you not say that the Lace-A-Long is promotional… How embarrassing it would be for you to have to KAL in (shock!) non-Posh?
    And… as a customer (one of those who is Always Right) I think you should be allowed to keep 2 sample skeins of each yarn you produce… Quality control, right? What happens if a customer says there is an issue – how would you be able to test?
    Erm… Christmas?
    Trying to think of more reasons you should keep some…

  2. I imagine if I was in your position, there would be massive quantities of yarn stealing going on. How can you not want to keep it all!?!

  3. Phrase that pays: “This skein does not meet my exacting standards.” Try it – and let us know if it works.

  4. You all are so funny! You must keep at least one of each color in each fiber for reference if nothing else! It is only good business to know exactly what has been sold over the years! 😉

  5. HAHA ! Will you please allow Mr. Posh a trip to Germany to view MY stash… my STASH !!! The word will get a completely new meaning for him, for sure. Think he will look at yours quite benevolent after that. Or- proclaim yourself as the founder of a skorphanage (skein orphanage) and keep on saving all these poor little souls from being rudely knitted with cold, sharp-tipped needles by sweaty hands into garments nobody will ever fit in…

  6. skorphanage – i love that!
    and tony, we love you even if you are a cruel simon legree.